Today’s outfit and jams. #tenofswords #thesuicidefile
I have a very big crush on u but sadly I am only a little bug and u are a garden
I turn 23 today. I can choose to think that nobody is going to like me but nah, I can back it up ‘cause I don’t give a fuck
I have so many feelings going on lately. For one, I recently got serious about working out and feel just about dead right now. I’ve had the best support from a couple of coworkers that have taken time out of their life to train me. We have also decided to make a trip to Havasu Falls. For those that are unaware, its a steep 10 mile hike to get to the beautiful destination made up of waterfalls in a the middle of red canyons.
With this happening, I’m feeling ridiculously grateful and appreciative of the people in my life. I may not have had the best luck finding another family like what I have back home but boy, this job has introduced me to some of the greatest people. Between my coworkers, my immediate family, the family of friends from back home and the great friends I have out of state…I’m basically set. I’m in love with every meaningful person in my life and the relationship I get to share with them.
This brings me up to now and how I’m feeling so mixed up with some people where I currently live. Some shady shit happened between two friends. I love them both very much. Ones been around for years and the other recently became relevant. I didn’t want to pick sides but in a round about way, I had to and I feel very shitty about it. I’ve decided to say fuck it and have tried to maintain a friendship with “the enemy” because in reality, they made more of an effort to be around. What this means with my other cherished friendship, I’m not even sure but respect my decision.
Frustration and complicated anxiety has been caused from the current state of immigration. The kids that are crossing over are making me very angry with how rude they’re being. This loop hole that has been discovered upsets me but I’m only hoping these kids will do something with themselves and their new lives in america. I can only hope they’re coming to live the american dream other hunger for and not become destructive in a place where people already think so negatively of them.
I’ve been very much into the same guy since April and nothing has happened. I guess signs here and there have come up but nothing that really convinces me that he’s legitimately into this like I am. What’s attracted me to this guy? Fuck if I know. He’s just been one of the more genuine dudes I have ever been interested in. I was asked if I could see myself with him and I said I wasn’t sure. I do like him. I think he’s great! But as events have happened and as I get older, I’m feeling very differently about relationships/love. I used to be a hopeless romantic and now I’m almost hopeless. That’s not the bad part. The bad part is I imagine myself getting into a relationship and I see myself getting bored. I don’t want to cuddle all the time or have to tell someone where I’m at or going. Being independent is kicking me in the butt.
I’m so so so glad to say I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts in a very long while and that just only adds to my happiness. I’ve been able to take my past experiences with suicidal depression and anxiety and help out my little cousin who is going through a similar phase in life. Even with all these feelings and more I didn’t mention, I’m okay. I haven’t had a panic attack in over a month. I’ve definitely become much more emotional lately and get teary eyed more but all in all, I’m okay.
I can’t decide who’s me
If you tell me to “go deeper” and my pelvis already touching you… U just rude as hell
You know good n well I dun ran outta dick
HERE FOR THE SIZE QUEENS
|—||Childish Gambino (R.I.P. ft. Bun B)|